I’ve been working on the jewelry, which got pretty much finished up today. We’ll be giving away 30-35 of those at the party, plus books, stickers, CDs, and handmade journals.
Here’s a bunch of the pieces laid out: Here's most, but not all of the pieces. There's still about twenty to be done at this point.
And here’s closeups of some of the same image. One thing is for sure — each of these is unique!
The various jewelry accoutrements came from the Redmond Ben Franklin's. This early batch has some blotchiness, which we learned to avoid in subsequent batches by laminating the paper onto the tile or into the finding before resin was applied.
I’m working on a piece for the SFWA Blog about promotional giveaways. What are the best — and worst — ones you’ve seen? What resources would you recommend to people? The stickers are the interior art, done in a nice size that’s big enough not to lose but small enough to be able to use in a number of places.
These are waiting to get filled with resin. They'll take a few days to cure, but when ready will look like glass, and all the roughness here, created by brush marks in the mod podge, will be imperceptible.
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"(On the writing F&SF workshop) Wanted to crow and say thanks: the first story I wrote after taking your class was my very first sale. Coincidence? nah….thanks so much."
~K. Richardson
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Patreon Post: Aardvark Says Moo
As part of recent updates at SFWA we recently revamped the Nebula Recommended Reading list to show up in alphabetical order. It’s a stopgap measure until the website gets re-designed, and to my mind has some of the same problems as presenting by order of number of recommendations. In musing that over, I mentioned to webmaster Jeremy Tolbert that I looked forward to the new school of aardvarkpunk we were inspiring. A half hour later this story appeared in my head.
This is a Patreon story, published thanks to the generous support of my patrons on there; they get access to the Chez Rambo Discord server, additional sponsor-only snippets and stories, plus sneak peeks at new drafts, discounts on Rambo Academy for Wayward Writer classes, and a chance to win my monthly giveaway. If you’d like to support indie publishing plus get stories, sign up to support me there!
Aardvark Says Moo
“Aardvark says moo,” says the clown, handing over the balloon animal.
My overly precocious kid squints her eyes. “No they don’t.” She folds her arms. No eight year old should be that definite about anything. Whatever happened to the idea of childish sense of wonder?
“I was being whimsical,” the clown explains. “Do you understand what that word means, little girl?”
Now he’s gone and done it. I could have warned him, but no one had consulted me since moment one of this interaction. The kid went up, the clown looked at her and started twisting a pink balloon around, and then he had to start being all whimsical.
“Whimsy,” my child says, “is playfully quaint or fanciful. A talking aardvark impersonating a cow is just dumb.”
At this point, a supernatural element enters my story. You may think it’d be something subtle, maybe the sort of knife edged was-it-real-or-not stratagem that Henry James could employ, but the fact of the matter was that it was a Valkyrie, walking up to look us over.
Maybe a woman dressed like a Valkyrie, you’re thinking. A costume party might have occurred to you, maybe, which means you’re going off on a total tangent, so lemme say this. Kid’s birthday party. Bouncy castle, hot dogs, cake. The only costume was the clown’s, and it wasn’t a particularly inspired one.
The Valkyrie moreover is real. Realer than real. Like a black hole of realness that made everything around her look like faded plastic. Her armor is made of golden scales. She smells like ozone and honey and looks like an angry supermodel with no makeup. She says, “Kyle Holiday, I have foretold that you die in the line of duty tonight but I will take you to Valhalla.”
“I’m pretty sure there’s been some mistake,” the clown says. “That’s my name, but I’m not going to die.”
“No one thinks they’re going to die,” the Valkyrie says significantly.
“Hang on,” my kid says. “This is my best friend’s birthday party and no one should die at it. She’s delicate. She’ll be traumatized for years. Take it elsewhere. What’s he supposed to die of, anyway?”
The Valkyrie listens to the air for a moment. “Peanut allergy.”
“I’m allergic to peanuts,” clown Kyle says cautiously, “but that’s why I don’t eat anything at these gigs.”
The Valkyrie shrugs.
“No, I mean it,” my kid says. “No one’s dying.” She grabs a napkin from the table and holds it out to the clown. “Maybe you breathe in some peanut particles. Tie this over your nose and face. Then get out. Better a flaky clown than a dead one.”
The Valkyrie says, “Who are you, to interfere with a hero’s death?”
“One, my name is Anna Louise Mayhew,” my kid says, her chin pointed at the Valkyrie, “and two, he’s at a kid’s birthday party.”
This Valkyrie listens to the air some more. This time it takes longer, and she gets a funny look on her face halfway through.
“Well,” she says, when she finally returns her attention to us, “he dies while working. There’s not that many clearly defined hero’s deaths around any more, but he faces down countless children.”
“And delights them,” she adds as an afterthought. She reaches out and tweaks the napkin off the clown’s face. “You don’t need that. You’ll like Valhalla.” She looks at my kid. “You’re Anna Louise Mayhew, huh?”
Something about the way she says it makes me step up and say, “Anna, why don’t you walk your friend to the gate?” I fold my arms, look the Valkyrie over. She’s about twice my size, could snap me like a twig, but she seems relaxed about it all. I say, “How do you know her name?”
“I take her, later on,” the Valkyrie said. “We always future-remember the important ones.”
I’m torn between pride and horror. “What? When?”
“Relax,” the Valkyrie says. She takes a piece of cake and it’s somehow reassuring, makes her seem a little less real and more like someone in a costume. “Not till long after you’re dead. They coax her out of retirement for it. She wins and saves humanity.”
I don’t really want to know anything more than that. I say, “So you’ll forgive her saving the clown?”
“It’s kinda pathetic, taking a clown to Valhalla,” she says. “Sometimes someone screws up the paperwork. This might be one of those times.”
Anna comes back and stands looking at the Valkyrie. I can’t tell if it’s fear or admiration or something else. I imagine her as a little old lady, facing down some unguessable enemy, that same solemn expression. The Valkyrie wanders off and vanishes into sparks that travel up into the sky. No one else seems to notice.
These sorts of things happen around my kid a lot, I’ve noticed. I say, “You were kinda hard on that clown about the moo thing.”
“Well, maybe,” she says. “I don’t like whimsy, though. Aardvark goes moo, how twee is that?”
I bet that Valkyrie’s looking forward to seeing her again.
Will anything other than the words themselves survive?When I first advertised that I’d be teaching an online writing class, Todd Vandermark, the tireless editor of the SFWA blog, mailed me asking if I’d write a blog post about it. Sure, I said — only let me do it first so I have something to write about. I’m two thirds of the way through, and now I’ve got something to say, finally. 🙂
I love teaching online. I feel that I’m connecting with the students in a more meaningful and interesting way than in a once a week, face to face classroom. Through Google+, I can have a channel that is dedicated to the students, which means we’re talking and passing links back and forth throughout the week.
I use Google Hangouts. They are awesome. If you’re never tried them, here’s some basic information. I create a circle for each class, and another that is the students from all classes, and use those. I share the class circle with the class, so they have it as well, and can post to it. If you’re utterly confused by what I’m talking about when I say “circle,” this may be helpful. When I am ready for to a class to start, I open up a Google hangout and share it with the class circle.
The video is smooth in a way that makes me feel that I’m actually in the 21st century. It’s much lower key than I thought it would – after you’ve done it once, some of the nervousness fades away, and it doesn’t feel as though you’re “on stage” in the way one is when in the classroom. There’s been some adjustments with mikes and such, but one thing I did beforehand was have a “dry run” session, where people could log in and confirm that everything was working fine for them. A couple of times we had people participating with audio only — that worked fine. The format also means that people have been able to attend class while on the road – I just finished a session where one participant was logged on from the train station.
Google Hangouts includes a chat window, which I love, because while I’m lecturing, students can be typing questions, comments, and other feedback into the chat, which allows me to then look at it and incorporate it into the flow of the lecture. Instead of writing on the board, I can put things that are particularly important into the chat window. Google+ also allows people to share their work with the group through it, rather than sending out stories to be workshopped via e-mail.
The capability for watching Youtube videos as part of class is there, which is nice, but given the limited amount of time we have in class, I’d rather not use it on that for the most part. Still, I could see using some pieces in class instead of assigning them to be watched outside of it. Here’s some examples of ones I think would work well: Kurt Vonnegut on the shapes of stories, Terry Bisson’s “They’re Made Out of Meat,” Jack Kerouac on writing.
Things that I have learned:
Do a dry run beforehand, so everyone can see the technology in action and iron out any problems. I simply set up a hangout one night the week before the class and had people stop in to confirm they could log in successfully. This was also a nice, low-key way to chat with students beforehand about what they were hoping to get out of the class.
Don’t wait till the last minute to get things set up, because then there will be some microphone issue requiring a reboot.
Have people mute microphones when they’re not using them.
Feed the cats beforehand or else resign yourself to them crawling over you throughout the course of lecture. (May also apply to children and spouses.)
Ask questions beforehand. In prepping a lecture, more than once I’ve asked what questions people have about the topic on a social network and been able to use the answers as part of the lecture.
Be organized. Have your lecture prepared and mapped out ahead of time. I’ve always done this in teaching, but it feels even more crucial when doing it online.
Time expands and contracts according to the number of students. A class with a lot of student will take more time than the section with just a few, so have some back-up exercises that can be inserted into the lecture for that occasion. My notes say what point in time I am supposed to reach each section, so as I go, I can see if I’m running early/late and slow down or speed up accordingly.
No matter how carefully you plan, there will be at least one class where you find yourself at the end too early.
Remember that time zones differ. I have one session that meets early to accomodate the East Coasters, another that holds most of my West Coasters, and a Saturday that ranges all over the map. Next session I’ve got someone who’ll be attending at 1 a.m. his time, which I think speaks volumes for the lack of availability of such classes internationally.
It’s not for everyone. A few find the format anxiety-producing. But once you’ve tried it, it’s a lot smoother and easier than you might suspect, and god know videochatting’s not a trend that is going to go away so you might as well learn how to do.
I’m hoping to make the classes a regular part of how I make my income, and I still need some sign-ups for the upcoming batch, so I’m going to extend the special rate through midnight mext Friday. Here’s the details for those classes – please spread the word!
As part of recent updates at SFWA we recently revamped 
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