What I'm Currently Working On

Mentioned this on Patreon yesterday and putting it here now. I’m taking November 2 through the 15th off and going to chillax and recuperate a bit. I’ve got that section of time blocked off in my schedule with big letters that say “DO NOT SCHEDULE” and I’ve managed (for the most part) to avoid doing so.

Here’s the anthology update so you don’t have to wade through the rest for it. Yes, the anthology is still happening, but right now I’m working to get it handed off to someone else who has more bandwidth (and organizational skills) but everything should go as planned. But I am gently easing much of it off my plate.

Why? Because I’m tired. So tired. Between teaching and Zoom sessions I haven’t had a single day where I wasn’t working in one form or another in recent months. I’ve been keeping on keeping on unrelentingly since the beginning of 2020 and I need to spend two weeks recharging after 10 months of staying cheerful and finishing two books and a bunch of stories in the face of the pandemic, dealing with the death of two close loved ones, an attempt to move to Portland that fell through, a lot of ongoing online harassment, and the general state of American politics.

There’s a section in the LotR where Bilbo talks about feeling like a pat of butter that’s been scraped over too much toast, and while I have done nothing as noble as being a Ring bearer, I do identify strongly with that physical state. My eyes are scratchy and I’ve got that rubbed-raw, sleepless feeling that comes from being in a mode that has me awake at 2 am wondering about where this world is wandering. Sometimes the urge to go lie down is overwhelming, but it’s so hard to turn the hamster wheels of my thoughts off long enough to nap. I’m more distractible and I can tell I’m missing details sometimes (more than usual, at least). Time to take a breath.

So I won’t be running the daily Zoom calls during that period, but Jennifer Brozek and P.J. Manney have kindly agreed to run some in my absence, and I’m getting a few things set up, such as a Writing Games session run by Evan J. Peterson, and a mid-November NaNoWriMo-checkin workshop. I’m not doing coaching calls and I’ve tried to book as few events as possible (though I am reading with William S. Gibson mid month!) I’ll be checking e-mail only once or twice a day. Posts have been set up and scheduled for here and Patreon. Other preparations include a lot of recent de-cluttering and cleaning; yesterday I got a lot of stuff removed from the kitchen and set up a new plant rack.

I’m going to take the wellsprings that bubble up inside me and turn them on myself for a little while, and I’m tremendously grateful to be able to do so. I have the great good luck of being naturally cheerful and pretty happy on a day to day basis. I also have the luck to be able to take two weeks off to make sure that stays the same, and one of my resolutions is to start doing this every six months, going forward.

What will I do during those couple of weeks?

• Get up when I feel like it, and nap when I want to.
• Lots of walking. I’m feeling out of shape, plus there will be fewer people out and about now that the weather is getting bad.
• Lots of reading. I’ve got a number of books queued up for my enjoyment, and I plan to spend at least a couple hours each day reading.
• Lots of writing. I’m going to try to do at least a flash story each day, but I’m going to be writing for the sake of it, rather than for a particular market or project. I’m going to include some letter writing as well.
• A little bit of art. I like doing paper art and linoleum prints, so I think I’ll try to do a couple linoleum prints that might become holiday cards.
• Tend my cabbages. Well, figuratively. I am a Maryland-certified Master Gardener and one thing I’ve done while staying at home is been around enough to tend my houseplants. I’ve picked up a number of tillandsia, orchides, and some fancy succulents, plus started some bonsai from seed and rescued a pitcher plant that my neglect had nearly killed. (Everyone is fine now.)
• Catching up on adulting stuff, like dentist and doctor’s appointments, without worrying about having to schedule around them.

TLDR: If you don’t hear from me between Nov 2 and 15, I’m taking a break. I’m trying to clear everything away before then, and I will definitely still be checking e-mail at least once a day in case of emergencies, but overall, thanks for your patience.

Monday, I got up at 4:45 AM and drove over, first making sure I’ve eaten half a protein bar despite my stomach protesting the early hour. Because I’m always anxious about getting places late, I was there fifteen minutes early and got a chance to chat with the instructor, Carrie, a peppy woman maybe 10-15 years older than I. The gym’s fairly minimal: mats and bags. Four other women arrived, and we got started.

Shock number one. We’re learning self-defense, but this is also a fitness bootcamp with a hearty dose of circuit training included. I find the fact that I walk a lot and do a plank once every few days has totally deluded me to my state of fitness. This is brought painfully home during the jumping rope section. I haven’t done it in decades and simply cannot do more than a couple without hitting my feet. Still, I persevere.

We spend some time hitting and kicking the bags. It’s satisfying. I like it because it’s getting me used to the idea of using my body like that. This part of the drill is kinda killer, though, as we alternate hitting/kicking with things like push-ups, side bridges, and jumping squats.

It’s a long time before an hour is over.

Wednesday I get up at the same time, eat some yogurt, and decide I’ll walk over. Things are dark at 5 am, but not too bad, and I get there in plenty of time. We’ve lost one person and are down to four now. It’s much like the last session, particularly the humiliation of the jumprope session, but this time, somewhere in the middle of sit-ups, I find myself on the point of tears at how unfit I am and how painful all of this is. It’s unpleasant to the point where the thought of just apologizing and walking out flits across my mind. But again I persevere. Towards the end, we learn how to break free if someone grabs your arm, by always moving towards the spot where the resistance is least.

Afterward I walk home. It feels uphill all the way, and actually is, due to West Seattle’s geography. It’s highly unpleasant and I stride along grumpily wishing I’d driven.

Keeping that in mind, I decide to drive over on Friday. I’m surprised by the internal objections to going I’m feeling when I get up that Friday morning. What if it’s as bad as it was on Wednesday? What if it’s worse? I finally talk myself into it with a promise: if it’s that bad, then I will let myself quit after this session. Having managed my yogurt and drunk some water, I head over.

And it’s not as bad as I thought. I actually manage five jumps in rapid succession with the jumprope. (I do follow this triumph up by somehow managing to tangle myself in the rope to the point where I feel absurd and pray that no one is watching.) I’ve ordered my own online and it’ll arrive Saturday, so I can practice a little before Monday’s class. Overall I feel peppier than I have before, to the point where there are moments where I might actually be enjoying myself, such as the warm-up where we’re circling to the sound of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and the dodgeball session. Make no mistake, though, there’s still plenty of pain.

I leave feeling pretty good about the week. The class is one quarter over, and I think I’d be a bit better equipped if someone came at me. Next week includes the Ladies Basic Gun Training on the 4th so that should come with its own set of revelations, given that I grew up in a household where we were forbidden toy guns.