Five Ways
Subscribe to my newsletter and get a free story!
Share this:

You Should Read This: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Haden Elgin

Cover for The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Haden Elgin, recommended by Cat Rambo
Elgin identifies eight basic types of verbal violence and the modes for dealing with each one.
This book changed my life. I read it in college, at a time when I was becoming aware of how much could be contained in language. It helped me deal with dysfunctional relationships and it provided strategies for dealing with verbal bullies that I still use on a regular basis. Elgin is also a science fiction writer that I highly recommend, including her book, Native Tongue. I still buy anything I see by Elgin, because I know I’ll end up giving it away.

What: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense helps identify sneaky verbal attacks like back-handed compliments, insults disguised as jokes, and other jabs, as well as providing tactics for dealing with each other.

Who: Read this if you’ve ever felt bullied and didn’t know exactly why. Or if you’ve ever been accused of bullying someone in communication.

Why: Even if you feel totally in command of conversations, this book will help you write better dialogue by showing many of the constructions bullies use, as well as a better understanding of verbal interactions overall.

When: Read this when you’re at your wits end in dealing with a friend, colleague, or anyone else.

Where and how: Keep it handy for frequent reading. If you don’t understand what all the fuss is about, try working through the exercises.

2 Responses

  1. Great suggestion, Cat. As a lawyer, I have no issue with responding to openly aggressive attacks. But I do struggle with those passive-aggressive, snide comments from “frenemies”. I always question how you respond to someone who doesn’t actually say what they are thinking and just implies it. I’ll check it out!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get Fiction in Your Mailbox Each Month

Want access to a lively community of writers and readers, free writing classes, co-working sessions, special speakers, weekly writing games, random pictures and MORE for as little as $2? Check out Cat’s Patreon campaign.

Want to get some new fiction? Support my Patreon campaign.
Want to get some new fiction? Support my Patreon campaign.

 

"(On the writing F&SF workshop) Wanted to crow and say thanks: the first story I wrote after taking your class was my very first sale. Coincidence? nah….thanks so much."

~K. Richardson

You may also like...

You Should Read This: Woman and Nature by Susan Griffin

Cover for Woman and Nature by Susan Griffin to accompany review written by speculative fiction writer Cat Rambo.
She knew her skill and she knew it well. She could speak more than one language. She spoke their language, and she spoke hew own, which they could not speak.
What: Poetry and meditative essay mingle in Woman and Nature: The Roaring Inside Her by Susan Griffin. I found this book in grad school when I was first learning to look into metaphors to find out what they contained.

Who: Read this if you’re a woman, whether or not you call yourself a feminist. Read it if you’re a man trying to write realistic women, because the structures Griffin talks about are ones that affect all of this, but particularly women. Read it if you don’t mind some poetry mixed in with your thinking.

Why: Read this to reexamine the words and metaphors we use to describe both nature and women, to understand the attitudes behind the language.

He says that woman speaks with nature. That she hears voices from under the earth. that wind blows in her ears and trees whisper to her. That the dead sing through her mouth and the cries of infants are clear to her. But dfor him this dialogue is over. He says he is not part of this world, that he was set on this world as a stranger. He sets himself apart from woman and nature.
And so it is Goldilocks who goes to the home of the three bears, Little Red Riding Hood who converses with the wolf, Dorothy who befriends a lion, Snow White who talks to the birds, Cinderella with mice as her allies, the Mermaid who is half fish, Thumbelina courted by a mole.

When: Read this when you want to be lulled by words out of your own body and into the material forms of tree and earth and shell.

Where and how: Read this near a window, where you can look out at trees or sky or mountains or water.

#sfwapro

...

You Should Read This: The Complete Drive-In by Joe R. Lansdale

Cover of The Complete Drive-In by Joe R. Lansdale, accompanies blog post reviewing the book by speculative fiction writer Cat Rambo.
I find the book's free-wheeling nature inspirational, although it's a gloomy message at the heart of it all.
Joe R. Lansdale is a favorite writer; this was my entrance into his work and it hooked me thoroughly.

What: The Drive-In by Joe R. Lansdale has two sequels, The Drive-In 2: Not Just One of Them Sequels and The Drive-In 3: The Bus Tour. Underland Press did a collected edition a few years back that is terrific, but it looks as though it’s out of print now. The story begins when a few friends go to the All Night Horror Show at a drive-in theater and find themselves transported to an alternate dimension, forcing the theatergoers to live on popcorn, fountain drinks, and eventually each other. Then it gets weird.

Who: Those willing to abandon themselves to the book, to strap themselves into the funhouse ride Lansdale has prepared will have the time of their life.

Why: Read this for dialogue that flows over you. For a gradual creep into weirdness that disorients and amazes all at once.

When: Read this when you want to be reminded that a good writer can take us wherever he or she likes. WHen you need to be shown that you can be as weird and surreal and downright odd in your writing as you like, as long as you do it with panache.

Where and how: Lansdale is a terrific reader – if you get a chance to hear him in person, do it! If not, try an audio book, in order to appreciate the way it flows. And don’t read it in scraps. Sit down and stay a spell.

#sfwapro

...

Skip to content