Guest Post: Food and SF in Jewish Australia - Part 2 by Gillian Polack

So, as a middle schooler, I thought that Awesomewriter65 would be the perfect username for my Wattpad. I had then started writing Happy Endings.

This story was practically my baby. I worked out ever single detail I could and planned it to the tee. Even though I have everything for it planned, I still have not finished my entire novel. I have been rewriting, revising and planning this entire universe since I was in the sixth grade.

Since publishing chapters of Happy Endings on Wattpad, so far I have gathered over 1k in views. In honor of the many years I have been posting chapters of Happy Endings, I thought I’d share with you my favorite scene from Happy Endings.

Before I share the excerpt, I should probably tell you what my story is about. This summary was pulled from my Wattpad account:

Will they be able to stick together?”

Now, the following is an interaction between the lawyer, Shane, and the twins’ sister-in-law, Angie. If you have any interest in reading more, follow my Wattpad page and check out my posts there.

“Shane stayed in a dirty motel a few blocks away from a few restaurants. This was his first custody case. Shane mostly worked with cases in which someone sued someone else. The only thing he hoped for is not bonding with the twins. That would be horrible. He was hired by the twins’ mom to represent them, but somehow let their mom win. For the sake of the case, and for the sake of him getting his money, he had to let their mom win and had to not get attached to the two teens.

As he threw his clothes in the dirty dresser that smelled like mold, he hoped the dresser wouldn’t ruin his clothes. The room was dark and dusty. There was one bed and a dresser and a square T.V. There was a bathroom, a small one at that. The room was quiet. It was almost too quiet. He could hear his own heart beat. It was a nervous heartbeat. It was a guilty heartbeat. The kind of heartbeat you get after someone gets furious with you and you’re afraid they’ll never forgive you.

All he had left in his brown matted up suitcase was a couple of black shirts and some socks. He shook, startled when he heard a knock at his room door. Shane stood silently hoping the knocking would go away and he could watch T.V. His body was like a deer when it sees headlights. Only fear pumped his blood. The knocking soon turned into banging and he gave in and slowly walked to open the door. When he opened the door, he saw a short British woman with dark red hair crossing her arms. Her arms were crossed and anger spread across her face.

Shane put on a fake face to hide his fear. ‘Hey, dollface,’ He said to her. ‘How ya doin’?’

Angela jabbed her pointer finger at Shane’s chest yelling, ‘You’re a fraud!’ She backed him up into the room and slammed the door behind her.

Shane crossed his arms, ‘What in the world are you on about?’ He snapped.

‘What am I on about? Don’t act like you don’t know,’ she replied in a irritated voice.

Shane threw his hands in the air. ‘Well if I’m an actor, you might as well give me an Oscar!’ He replied sarcastically in an almost shouting voice.

He tried to ignore Angela so he walked his way to the mini fridge in his motel. Angie still stood, silently judging him. Angela knows how to get information outta of people. She does it for a living. She can flash the opposing side in a courtroom a look and she can get the information out of people.

Angela is an honest person. She doesn’t believe in lying and she can sniff it out a liar from miles away.

‘Shane Russo, don’t you dare mess with me. I uncovered all your dirty little secrets.’

Shane stopped in his tracks as he opened the bottle of beer.

‘What do you know about me?’ His voice shook as he turned around to face her. He tried the best he could to as stay calm as he could, but in that moment it was hard to stay calm.

‘You’re just another sleazy lawyer!’ she accused.

‘I wouldn’t know what you’re talking about,’ He replied sipping his beer.

‘I have a very good friend who can dig up so much dirt about you. You may have Rebecca and Phil and maybe even Eddie a little, but I could see right through your ignorant smug look. I don’t trust you.’

Shane rolled his eyes at her. ‘Oh yeah?’ He tested.

‘You act like women don’t know how to do their research,’ Angie muttered under her breath.

Shane kept rolling his eyes at her. This whole conversation was like arguing with his siblings. The other one will just keep badgering him until he finally tells the truth. He didn’t want to give in, but if there is one thing he hates more than waking up before noon, it’s someone like Angie.

Granted, he knew what he was walking into when he signed up for this job. Laura gave him information of the family. Shane already knew what he needed to know. It was just a matter of time before he could put everything into action and do what he does best.

‘How’d you even find anything on me?’ Shane sighed giving in as he rubbed his temples. ‘Fine! You want the truth? I lie, okay? I bribe people and I do illegal things. And I like it.’

Angela was stunned and wide eyed. ‘I can’t believe you! How could you do that?’

Shane stifled a sarcastic laugh. ‘Look, dollface. There are two kinds of people out there. There are the Saints who want to do everything right. Then there are liars and I’m one of them.’

She pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘God, you’re horrible. I can’t believe I breathe the same air as you.’

Shane downed the rest of his beer he had been drinking and threw it in the trash can. He watched her as she circled the room, trying to wrap her head around the situation. Angela quickly tried thinking of solutions to fix the problem.

It seemed like everyone had goggles on in the house. They all thought this guy was their savior. To Angie, he was translucent and she could see right through him. She was even surprised that Phil and Eddie fell for Shane’s act.

‘You act like you do nothing wrong. You’re a sleaze and a scammer. I can’t believe that people like you exist””’

He pointed his finger at her, cutting her off and shouting, ‘You don’t know what it’s like for me. When I first started out I broke and I needed the cash. It’s easy to throw a little bribe here and there.’

Her hands ran through her red hair. ‘Everyone starts off at the bottom, Shane! It would’ve been fine if you just played fair! You didn’t have to base your cases off lies and bribes!’

‘You’re a lawyer too! You should know that we’re professional liars!’

‘We serve for justice. We can’t just feed lies. We need cold hard facts. Why’d you even take this case?’

She seemed more calm than before, but now she was more sad than angry, ‘Why’d you even take this case? Because their mom offered you a lot of money? I can see you need it.’ She looked around at the grimy hotel room.

‘Okay, yes she gave me money to fight in this custody case and yes I may be living in a crappy motel room. Sure, I’m broke at this moment in time, but I’m not who I was back then.’

Angela scoffed at this and rolled her eyes. She had every right to. She doubted that he was any different now. The reason he was broke is because he blows all his money. Mostly on gambling and drinking. The reason he took this job was because to him, it seemed like the perfect job for him. It was different and seemed easy enough where he could pass with flying colors. Plus, these days it seems like people love seeing children reunited with their biological mother.

‘But I’m also doing this because I really want to do this, and do something good for these kids,’ Shane lied and Angela just rolled her eyes. She could see right through this guy. She no idea why anyone would trust this him.

Must be his good looks, Angela thought to herself.

Angela turned around before she walked out the door. She turned back about to speak again but only stared for a good few seconds at the middle-aged man. Then she shook her head and left. Shane watched her get in her car. He watched until she drove away.”

Lou is a writer of rom coms, eater of pizza, lover of 90s boybands and cat enthusiast. You can follow her on Twitter at @aweosmewriter.

We can do better. 

I spend my working week with both survivors and perpetrators of physical and sexual abuse, and consider myself privileged that these survivors trust in me to help them, and I’m dedicated in bringing the perpetrators to justice.

Leaving that behind at the end of the working day is tough, and I often find myself reaching to fiction to shut off and “˜decompress’. Often though, my work finds me in literature and I despair.

We’ve all read those stories: characters beaten, raped, sexually assaulted and they often rise from the ashes stronger and resolute, or they become a broken husk. The sexual assault is often used as a plot element (or, dare I say it, trope) to move the main narrative forward but seldom given the actual scrutiny it deserves. Often too, the abuse is used to push forward a “˜revenge’ plotline or used as a reason as to why that person is “˜weird/broken/*insert derogatory descriptor here*’ and told from the point of view of an outsider with no empathy or understanding as to what they have gone through ““ a character backstory used to explain or excuse actions rather than feeding into the story.

Rarely do we hear the stories of those who are just trying to live with what has happened. Those with PTSD who are still healing. Those who can’t get justice or revenge or those who, for a myriad of reasons, choose not to, but still have to live with the consequences of what happened. Those who are still adapting to the changes forced on them, or the trauma that they have to live with every day.

Sexual violence is prevalent in both fiction and reality (1)(2), and while I’m grateful we have the #MeToo movement and increased visibility and voices in reality, we have a long way to go in addressing the long-term effects of sexual violence on a person. PTSD in sexual abuse survivors is also higher than the average population (3).

It is unfair of me to point fingers at books that get sexual violence “˜wrong’ or use it as a titillating teaser, so instead I’m going to share two books in the SF&F genre with realistic survivor reactions and ongoing PTSD/abuse aftermath that I really recommend.

DEERSKIN by Robin McKinley

As Princess Lissla Lissar reaches womanhood, it is clear to all the kingdom that in her beauty she is the image of her dead mother, the queen. But this likeness forces her to flee from her father’s lust and madness; and in the pain and horror of that flight she forgets who she is and what it is she flees from: forgets almost everything but the love and loyalty of her dog, Ash, who accompanies her. But a chance encounter on the road leads to a job in another king’s kennels, where the prince finds himself falling in love with the new kennel maid . . . and one day he tells her of a princess named Lissla Lissar, who had a dog named Ash.

The main character is sexually abused by her father near the beginning of the book, and the story shows her wrestling with this experience and learning to heal at her pace and in her own way.

A fantastic story with a clear message. You can survive sexual abuse. It will change you forever, but you can live despite that.

TENDER MORSELS by Margo Lanagan

Tender Morsels is a dark and vivid story, set in two worlds and worrying at the border between them. Liga lives modestly in her own personal heaven, a world given to her in exchange for her earthly life. Her two daughters grow up in this soft place, protected from the violence that once harmed their mother. But the real world cannot be denied forever””magicked men and wild bears break down the borders of Liga’s refuge. Now, having known Heaven, how will these three women survive in a world where beauty and brutality lie side by side?

A mix of fairy tale and fantasy, but most definitely for adults, this novel explores Liga’s childhood and abuse at the hands of her father. It shows us rape, miscarriages, pregnancy and how Liga becomes an incredible mother, overcoming the violence of the children’s conceptions. Have I included spoilers? Not really. Her journey is the story. Harrowing, but wonderful in the way the prose gives us hope even through unrelenting darkness.

Both of these show childhood trauma and sexual abuse, which can be very different to adult sexual abuse (and, to a certain extent, domestic abuse). I really tried to think of some good, solid stories that focused on an adult journeying through sexual violence PTSD but came up short.  Recommendations warmly received!

When writing ANNA I wanted to not only tell the story of a victim who struggles to deal with PTSD while rebuilding relationships, but also show how the behavior and persona of a perpetrator changes with their audience, and how those who have been coercively controlled can still bend to their abuser, even months after the event.

ANNA is not a milquetoast trope of a victim. She is broken, beaten, abused, carrying her scars and trauma around with her, never letting her guard down. She struggles as survivors struggle every day, second-guessing everything and everyone but desperately yearning for a sense of normality. Through all of that she is strong, and she shows us her strength as the story progresses.

As a writer and a feminist I think it’s important to show a different view of survivors of sexual abuse in literature. I wanted to show her decision-making, her thought process and agency through those dark times and hopefully take the reader on the highs and lows of her recovery.

I’ve been asked why I didn’t make the novel a contemporary piece. Honestly? I love speculative and dystopian fiction. I didn’t want to write in the here and now when I work with this subject matter so often.

I stress that I’m no psychologist. I have a vested personal and professional interest in this area, and have followed and relied on experts in the field (4) to help form my characters and stories. It is not my place to tell a reader how a survivor will react to such trauma; every person is unique, their story and experiences different. My experience of something does not make me the arbitrator of all the possible responses and reactions, but I hope that what I have shown is that sexual abuse is not a trope. It is not glib, it is not something to use to merely push a story forward and add a “˜grim’ slant to a novel. It is harrowing and often the survivor is alone, even when surrounded by people who love them, with a long journey to recovery.

But the journey of a survivor is not all doom and gloom. There is hope. There are moments of love, of pure happiness and joy, of friendship and trust, but it’s not easy. Strength comes in many forms.

ANNA is a book that stands witness to the experiences of so many survivors and although that makes it an uncomfortable read at times, it is an offering to and reflection of the people who struggle with these issues.

I refuse to make a spectacle of sexual trauma, and I hope that I’ve done justice to the hundreds of survivors I’ve spoken with during my 15 years in the field of domestic and sexual abuse.

I said that we can do better, but when we see how the world really is, we know deep down that we must do better.

1. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
2. https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/statistics-sexual-violence/
3. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2323517/
4. http://www.zoelodrick.co.uk/training/article-1

BIO: Sammy H.K Smith lives and works in Oxfordshire UK as a police detective. When not working she spends time with her children, husband and pets, renovates her house, and inadvertently kills plants. A keen writer and lover of all things science fiction and fantasy, she’s often found balancing a book, a laptop, a child, and a cat whilst watching Netflix.

Learn more about Anna and buy the book here.

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