Have you ever read dialogue like this?

     "We'll need the Spear of Glorgon to kill the Pit-Fiend Czhnarboth."

     "Yes, we will. Do you know where the Spear of Glorgon may be found?"

     "Sadly, it was lost centuries ago in the Empire of Cardel."

     "Then finding it will be the ultimate test of our powers."

     "True, and surely the gods of light will favor us."

One of the most common reasons dialogue gets boring is that it turns into a type of conversational ping-pong. Speakers volley lines of speech back and forth at each other. Each serve is neatly and appropriately returned. You’ve probably played a game or two of ping-pong like that yourself.

Think about the first time you ever picked up a paddle (in my mind, you’re in your uncle’s shag-carpeted basement.) You’re immensely proud of yourself for just getting it back and forth over the net. But it is also, effectively, a kind of stalemate””the ball goes back and forth, but nothing changes. And, after a while, it’s boring.

But a professional game of ping-pong, when you watch talented, competitive players? Not boring at all. After talking to ping-pong players and reading about the game, I think I know one reason why.

More than once I’ve come across the phrase “ping-pong is a game of spin.” If volleying the ball back and forth is the beginner level, then spin is at the heart of competitive ping-pong. It alters the movement of the ball so that the predictable becomes unpredictable. It’s what makes play volatile, explosive, unexpected””interesting.

Spin has the same effect in dialogue. It’s basically what it sounds like: a turn, a twist, a deviation.

The problem with ping-pong dialogue is that it’s so predictable: everyone stays on topic, everyone responds to the questions they’re asked, everyone provides accurate information. Dialogue with spin, in contrast, goes in unexpected directions. Since one of the reasons readers read is because they want to know the answer to a question, dialogue with spin draws readers into a story by raising (and partially answering) new questions.

How do you generate spin? A few ways, actually. Let me offer you three.

Give your characters an agenda.

When each character in a conversation has an agenda, it means that they have a goal””and, since you’re a talented writer and you have conflict bred in your bones, you know that these characters have different goals. Those goals help produce spin as each character attempts to steer the conversation toward their desired end. If, for example, you are working on dialogue between an exhausted detective and an amorous witness, you might have a great deal of fun as their competing agendas inflect their conversation in different ways.

Allow for subtext.

While subtext often naturally arises from giving characters an agenda, the two are not interchangeable.

Subtext is the text around and behind and between the words””the text that never makes it into text. When a character says exactly what they want, you’re dealing with on-the-nose dialogue, which is the clinical condition of having zero subtext. Subtext is about hidden meanings, unverbalized desires, buried insults.

To extend the example above, let’s imagine that our amorous witness is married and can’t directly proposition the detective. The spoken conversation might be exclusively about the crime, while the subtext might be the unspoken thrust-and-parry of an attempted seduction.

Employ “No” Dialogue.

I find this technique to be a great deal of fun. It’s exactly what it sounds like””one character wants something, and the other refuses to give it to them. The fun comes in finding ways to make the refusals””and there should be a number of them””indirect and distinct, without the character repeating themself. Often, this becomes part of both the competing agenda and the subtext; the three work together beautifully. In our example, perhaps the amorous witness is also the police chief’s romantic partner, and the detective’s refusals must be firm but indirect enough not to humiliate and enrage the witness.

Bonus technique: Third-ball Attack

To wrap-up our ping-pong analogy, I’d like to offer you one more idea: the third-ball attack. In ping-pong, this refers to a strategy that goes like this: Player A serves the ball (ball #1), Player B returns it (ball #2), and Player A attacks (ball #3).

Think of this as both a heuristic””a rule-of-thumb diagnostic””and as a technique. If you’re writing dialogue, and you can tell it’s starting to drag, look at the first three lines. If the first three lines are ping-pong dialogue, the likelihood is that the rest of the conversation is, too.

You can break it up by turning that third line into an attack: give the dialogue stakes no later than the third line. One character makes a difficult request, issues an ultimatum, attempts a threat, initiates a seduction””whatever it is, it has to commit them to a risky course of action so that, succeed or fail, there are consequences.

Final Considerations

Is the sky the limit with spin? Not exactly. There’s a point of diminishing returns, even a point where it becomes counterproductive. Too much spin produces conversations that are hard to follow (whether because of non sequiturs, or because they break genre conventions, or because they become illogical or incomprehensible). These all threaten to alienate the reader. More spin is not necessarily better.

The important things to remember? Ping-pong bad. Spin good. If nothing’s happening, third-ball attack. And remember, just like real people, fictional characters are rarely as good at communicating as they think they are.

What kind of dialogue bores you to sleep? What are your go-to strategies for pepping it up? Who writes your favorite dialogue? Share some examples and tell us why!

Want to improve your dialogue even more? In January 2023, Gregory will be teaching the Odyssey Online class, Angled Dialogue: Crafting Authentic-Sounding Dialogue to Convey Information, Escalate Conflict, and Advance Character-Driven Stories.

Odyssey Online classes combine deep focus, directed study, intensive practice, and detailed feedback to help students learn how to best use the tools and techniques covered to make major improvements in their fiction.

Apply by November 21 at odysseyworkshop.org!

BIO

Gregory Ashe is a bestselling author and longtime Midwesterner. He has lived in Chicago, Bloomington (IN), and Saint Louis, his current home. He primarily writes contemporary mysteries, with forays into romance, fantasy, and horror. Predominantly, his stories feature LGBTQ protagonists. When not reading and writing, he is an educator. He is a graduate of the Odyssey workshop and has returned to teach there. For more information, visit his website: www.gregoryashe.com.

Hello! While most years I compile a page of award eligibility posts, this year I’m going to be on the road in November, and adding that responsiblity to everything else I’m doing that month seems a little crazypants. So if you’ve got an award eligibility post, I invite (and encourage) you to drop a link to it in the comments here!

I had no novels published in 2022 myself, but I’d certainly love it if you’d check out my short story, “The Woman Who Wanted to be Trees,” which appeared in Slate Magazine, and consider recommending it for Hugo or Nebula Award reading.

This is the workshop I give every couple of years; I will not be giving it in 2023. There will be two separate one section.

This seven week workshop focuses on the basics of writing speculative fiction short stories, including figuring out and implementing your plot, creating believable and engaging characters, effective world-building, what to do with a story once it’s finished, dealing with editors and markets, and other necessities. Students will have the opportunity to workshop at least one story over the course of the class and will also be writing and sharing weekly writing assignments.

Sessions will be recorded for students and available three days after the live session. You will also have access to the Rambo Academy Discord server and discussion/events/resources there.

Section two: Tuesday 6-8 PM Eastern time September 6, September 13, September 20, September 27, October 4, October 11, October 18.

Cost is $499 for seven sessions. Each session runs two to two and a half hours. All sessions are recorded for student use only. To register, mail me at cat@kittywumpus.net and indicate which section you are applying for and how you would like to pay (Paypal, Venmo, check, etc.) There are three free scholarships in each section. Deadline for applying for a scholarship is August 19.

Testimonials

• • Taking a workshop class with Cat was a great experience. Highly recommended! – Fred Coppersmith
  • Every week is like a shot in the arm of pure encouragement & enthusiasm. -Liz Neering
  • Wanted to crow and say thanks: the first story I wrote after taking your class was my very first sale. Coincidence? nah”¦.thanks so much. -K. Richardson
  • Cat is a fun tutor with plenty of experience as both a fiction writer and a professional editor. She has plenty of sound, practical advice to offer, and the writing exercises are enjoyable. A course like this allows you to meet other writers of varying levels of experience and talent, which is a very good way of finding out what you are good at and where your skills need work. It also gives you a bunch of potential writing buddies, which can be very valuable. -Cheryl Morgan
  • Cat Rambo’s classes are both entertaining and edifying. If you are an aspiring writer or editor do yourself a favor and sign up! -Stefan Milićević

Some of the stories produced during this class:
Bo Balder, “The Doll Is Dead”, Penumbra
Nicholas Lee Huff, “Smitten“, Every Day Fiction
Jamie Lackey, “Moving Past Butterfly“, Bastion
Jamie Lackey, “The Path to Butterfly,” Lakeside Circus
Sunil Patel, “Sally the Psychic Alligator“, Fireside Fiction
Frances Rowat, “Palimpsest“, The Sockdolager

Whenever I ask the question “How shall I live?” I always look to literature for the answer. But this time the answer came in a dream.

The dream took place in an auditorium, an old one, like the Century movie theaters in San José: a huge domed room, with plush maroon carpet that matched the seats. Some of the seats held members of my writing group. We were there because our fellow member Anthony Francis was going to read an excerpt from his novel, and I was supposed to introduce him.

I was standing on a wooden stage, behind a podium. This was a writing conference, titled The Real Life of Fiction.

I had notes, but they didn’t help. I babbled. I forgot the title of the novel. I forgot the name of the conference. At one point, through the haze of my stammering incompetence, I saw clearly for a moment: in the front row, a woman with the curly hair and Coke-bottle glasses that could only belong to one of my favorite authors: Oh no, I thought, not only am I messing up, but Connie Willis is seeing it.

I will be accepting a limited number of projects, so if you are interested, I would contact me sooner rather than later.

I’m super pleased to be able to announce that I’m Author Guest of Honor at Norwescon this year. Norwescon’s the first con I went to as an author and will always have a special place in my heart accordingly.

While there, I’ll be on plenty of programming (I’ll post that schedule as soon as I have it), and I’ll also be spending time at Jenn Brozek’s booth, where I’ll definitely have copies of ALTERED AMERICA, CARPE GLITTER, MOVING FROM IDEA TO DRAFT, and THE SURGEON’S TALE.

If there’s another book of mine you’d like to buy and get autographed while there, drop me a line in e-mail and I’ll make sure I stick it in my luggage, but otherwise I’m flying there and have limited luggage space, so I’m snagging the smaller books.

I will be reading for the first time ever from the sequel to YOU SEXY THING, hurray! Come to the reading if you want to know how DEVIL’S GUN starts off.

The Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, an august non-profit on whose board I have served in the past, held its business meeting in January of this year, and since it was virtual, I had the chance to attend, which was a nice chance to see some familiar faces, meet some new ones, and hear what the organization has been up to in the past year.

An interesting development for SFWA that seems to have been flying under most people’s radar is that the organization’s members will be voting on whether or not to change the membership requirements in a way that the organization has not previously done. This may be one of the biggest changes made to the membership yet in the organization’s 50+ years of history.

The new qualifications: a writer can join as an Associate member once they have earned $100 over the course of their career, and as a Full member at the $1000 level.

That’s a huge and very significant change from the current, somewhat arcane membership requirements of $1000 over the course of a year on a single work to become a Full member. Particularly when you think that one of the most contentious propositions on the discussion boards in the past has been the idea of re-qualification, of making people prove they qualify on a yearly basis. Moving away from a system so complicated SFWA had to create a webform to walk people through whether or not they qualified to something like this is a big win in so many ways.

Why I’m absolutely voting yes:

• This change makes SFWA available to more people in the earlier stages of their career, which is often when they most need that community, support, and advice.
• More and more varied members will make the Nebulas a heck of a lot more interesting and perhaps combat some of the logrolling that I’ve witnessed over twenty or so years.  This has the potential to really shake things up in a good way.
• More and more varied members means more volunteers and budget and that’s huge. One of the best things about admitting indie writers was the wealth of knowledge, experience, and enthusiasm added to the organization overall. This is even more of that.
• That also means more people talking on the boards. I’ve been a moderator on those boards for a long, long time, and they remain a source of community, news, and information for me. The more the merrier, in my opinion. 
• This change also opens up the game writing qualifications in a way that answers a lot of the existing issues. SFWA’s admitting game writers has been a bit bumpy, mainly because of the incredible variety of ways that writing can manifest.
• On a small personal level, it may mean I’ll witness less truculent bullshit from people personally affronted by the existence of the past requirements, although people will continue to think SFWA is a gelatinous cube.

For this to pass, enough of the full members need to vote on it. If you are a full member, I urge you to check your email for the mail with the voting link, which would have come on January 15, with the subject “[SFWA] 2022 Call for SFWA Board Candidates & Bylaws Vote”. The cut-off date for getting this done is February 15, a rapidly approaching deadline.

One other change from the board meeting answers the question of how this affects the idea of “SFWA qualifying markets,” which has in the past been used as a way to make sure fiction markets increased their rates every once in a while. We’re going to see a fiction matrix that looks at a number of factors, including pay, but also response time, quality of contract, etc. It’s very nice to see this long overdue project finally manifest, and I bear as much guilt as anyone in the long overdue part, since I was around when it was first proposed and should have kicked it along significantly harder than I did. I’m very happy to see this and ten thousand kudos to the people who made it happen.

There wasn’t much else to the meeting that surprised me. Like a lot of the F&SF organizations in 2021, live events have been a problem. (This surprised me given that SFWA was one of the first organizations to put on a pandemic version in a way that really showcased what a virtual event could be.) But hotel and event stuff has been problematic for a lot of events, to the point where some seem moribund or seriously endangered, and given that, it’s unsurprising that cancellation costs of the event have wounded the SFWA budget.

Overall though, SFWA remains pretty robust financially, and the Emergency Medical Fund, Legal Fund, and Givers Grants programs are still doing stellar work. You’ve seen some of that continue to play out in the DisneyMustPay campaign. I will remind people that it’s a good place to direct charitable donations, and that you can also support it through the Amazon Smile program, buying SFWA’s Storybundles and HumbleBundles, or even by buying one of those cool secret decoder rings.

CAT RAMBO: One aspect of the great appeal of the Hap and Leonard books is their enduring friendship, including its ups, downs, and petty annoyances like one of them eating all the animal crackers every once in a while. Presumably you didn’t set out to write one of the great friendships of literature, but how do you think it developed? What do you think you learned about friendship from writing theirs?

JOE R. LANSDALE: I never set out to write a series, let alone one that has endured as well as this one. They have become beloved by their fans. I added in all the better aspects of friends I have and have had, but unlike the friendship between these guys, not all of mine have endured, and some that did, well, those friends have passed. There’s also wishful thinking involved. The  kind of friendship you would like to have. I learned a lot from their friendship, as it made me explore myself to find their similarities and their differences. My brother Andrew Vachss and I were very close, and he had a lot of Leonard’s aspects, but the overall personality of Leonard is, like Hap, a combined one. Hap, however, is very much like me, if not exactly like me. I learned to try and be a better person through their exploration, which is not to say I started out a bad one. In fact, in many ways I’m better than both of them. I haven’t killed anyone and have no plans to do so. You could call that, for them, a flaw.

In the introduction to the book, you talk about Hap and Leonard existing in a special kind of time since you’ve been writing them so long, aging at a different rate than you or I. Has that ever created problems for you with writing, moments when you regret establishing a particular fact because it conflicts with something you want to do?

Yes, sometimes it does, and sometimes I contradict something because I don’t reread the books. I might check a thing here and there, but once finished, I move on.

You have written so widely across genres and forms – comics, fiction, screenplays – that Nightmare Magazine described you as having become your own genre. What do you makes something enough of a Joe R. Lansdale story that you want to write it?

I’m excited about it. Sometimes that means it will turn out great, and sometimes I feel it will, and it doesn’t come out as great as I hoped. I always do my best, however, so I never feel like I threw one over the fence. One thing nice about Hap and Leonard is I’ve explored different kinds of crime and adventure stories with them. I like writing a variety of things, but Hap and Leonard come as close to it gets to me considering writing nothing else. I love those guys.

You’ve also talked about the novella being your favorite form to write in. Is it because of the wideness of possible word count there, or are there other considerations? People have told me we’re in the middle of a renaissance for novellas – do you think that’s true?

I think it just might be. I’ve written them for a long time, and in fact, some of my novels might be called novellas if anyone wanted to quibble.  I think novel or novella is more about how something is published. If it’s between hard covers it tends to be considered a novel, or soft covers. If it’s part of a collection, it’s considered a novella. That’s not a dyed in the wool fact, just a common consideration.

You began your writing career with nonfiction, farm articles to be precise. Has anything from that time ever snuck into a story?

Frequently, as in Mucho Mojo, though I got some of my rose farming facts confused. My old boss was quick to point that out. But it’s in several books and stories.

When you want to read short stories, what authors do you go to? Is there anyone you’d suggest people search out?

I reread a lot of older fiction. I read new stuff all the time, but it takes time for me to feel the need to reread, and then I get on a kick. I like writers that have impacted me, like Ray Bradbury, Raymond Chandler, James Cain, Ernest Hemingway, Fitzgerald, John Steinbeck. Flannery O’Connor, Carson McCullers, Mark Twain, Henry Kuttner, Cyril Kornbluth, Robert Bloch, Richard Matheson, Charles Beaumont, Jack Finney, and this list could go on.

Among your comic work is one of my favorites, Jonah Hex. Any plans to do more writing with him? Are there any comic book figures that you’d love to write but have never gotten the chance to?

Well, I haven’t been asked since Tim Truman and I did our three series run. I love comics, but I’ve satisfied a lot of my itch there, but now and again I get a bit of comic hives and I want to scratch. I would and probably will do more comic work. I no longer have any characters I’m dying to do, as I’ve done many, but who knows. A Batman comic would be fun. I’ve only written about him in animation and in  a couple of stories, a novel, and a children’s book, but no actual comics with him.

BIO: Joe R. Lansdale is the internationally-bestselling author of over fifty novels, including the popular, long-running Hap and Leonard series. Many of his cult classics have been adapted for television and film, most famously the films Bubba Ho-Tep and Cold in July, and the Hap and Leonard series on Sundance TV and Netflix. Lansdale has written numerous screenplays and teleplays, including the iconic Batman the Animated Series. He has won an Edgar Award for The Bottoms, ten Stoker Awards, and has been designated a World Horror Grandmaster. Lansdale, like many of his characters, lives in East Texas.

If you’re an author or other fantasy and science fiction creative, and want to do a guest blog post, please check out the guest blog post guidelines. Or if you’re looking for community from other F&SF writers, sign up for the Rambo Academy for Wayward Writers Critclub!

I recently taught a Patreon and Other Forms of Crowdfunding workshop for Clarion West, focusing on running an effective Patreon, and thought I’d provide some of the notes from that.

When I first started on Patreon, I remember one elderly SF writer calling it “hipster panhandling,” and I dunno… I’ve been pretty happy that I’ve stuck with it, and I know I’m giving my patrons a solid value in return for their support. It has been interesting to see some attitudes shift towards crowdfunding in general, particularly with the rise of self-publishing as a valid career approach, and nowadays it seems like Kickstarter is driving many anthology projects.

Some background for those that might want it: Crowdfunding is a way of funding (perhaps a one-time project, perhaps a long-running or ongoing entity) that depends on small contributions from many people. It can be a one-time donation or an ongoing one, like a subscription. Examples of cowdfunding platforms include Patreon, Kofi, GoFundMe, IndieGoGo, Kickstarter, and Onlyfans. Patreon can be subscription or per-creation; I’ve chosen to go the subscription route.

I have been running my Patreon for a number of years now and have hooked it into my school. Along with other benefits, supporters get discounts on classes and, at higher levels, free classes. I try to post on at least a weekly basis, and to include snippets of what I’m working on. In March, I’m bringing back the story discussion group and adding one to look specifically at books on writing craft. Those events are recorded on Zoom, and the story group has been a lot of fun, particularly when we’ve had the authors in to talk about the stories as part of the discussion. I’ve tried all sorts of things over the years: weekly AMAs, recipes, serial fiction (still need to finish that one up!), etcetera, and my patrons have been patient with the various convulsions over that time.

Currently Patreon provides me somewhere between $1400-1500 per month, depending on monthly fluctuations (I am on the Premium plan, rather than the free version, which means Patreon takes less.) Some of that incoming money then flows out to pay guest teachers, depending on which classes people sign up for. Here’s the list of what’s coming up, and you can see it’s 50% guest teachers, 50% my own classes. But it ends up being a nice chunk of money that helps stabilize an income that can be pretty erratic otherwise, and which comes primarily from writing and teaching.

That money doesn’t magically fall out of the sky, though. (Alas!) It’s not a question of someone happening to read one of my stories and thinking “I loved that” and searching me out on the Internet to find out if I’ve got a tip jar on my website. That would be lovely, certainly. But it takes a level of fame and exposure I, and most writers, lack.

Plus that’s not really how tipping works, people dumping money in random containers without much reason. You have to give people something in exchange for that, even if it’s a fleeting experience. It doesn’t have to be carefully composed and polished — sometimes a random picture of a pet being cute will turn out to be one of the most popular things you’ve ever done. Authenticity is one of the best things you can give. I often provide snippets of what I’m working on, or take a look at something that I want to think about, like examining a paragraph of description to see how it works.

The most important thing that I can tell you is that Patreon or other crowd-funding efforts require work. That’s something that you have to factor in when you want to start one up. You need to figure out how to provide value for your patrons in a way that works for you. For me, hooking it into my online school was a terrific fit.

Patreon provides the tools I need, although I will continue to gripe about not being able to find old posts easily. More than anything else, I make use of the Discord server that Patreon provides me. They handle getting patrons on there, but one time out of twenty or so, I end up having to troubleshoot. The Discord server also hosts a number of students, friends, other Rambo Academy Faculty, etc, and is the place where a lot of activity gets coordinated. We’ve finally achieved enough of a critical mass that it’s a lively and entertaining community, with channels devoted not just to writing stuff, but community exchange like pet pictures and such. While on the road right now I haven’t been able to access the server and I have been sorely missing checking in.

There are a number of extra benefits like that when creating a Patreon campaign. I focused on growing that community when the pandemic started, and it’s one of the things that kept me sane and productive in the last couple of years. It’s been a great thing seeing so many students and mentees publishing in recent years, and it feels important to be making a contribution to the F&SF community not just in terms of “here’s my content, enjoy” but helping drive events and gatherings.

I think of Patreon as a side-gig, one of the freelancing projects that make up my work flow. Like any side-gig, you want to not let it derail you from the most important stuff, nor do you want to get overly dependent on it. One of the best things you can do as a writer is cultivate those small springs where you can, doing things like sending out reprints, getting speaking engagements, etc. Patreon can become a pretty good source of revenue, but it takes time, thought, and effort.

I recently did the Patreon Creator survey and that made me aware I’m not promoting mine quite as heartily as I should be, and that I’m not using every aspect. For one, I will confess that I do not look at the exit surveys when someone decides to stop, even though I really should. That’s because I had someone say something hurtful enough in one few years back that I made the conscious choice to just assume everyone’s doing it for financial reasons and just not worry about it anymore.

And that’s another thing about Patreon that I need to underscore – it can be a source of incredible encouragement, but it can also be a place — most particularly when you start out — where you feel like you’re howling into the void without anyone answering back. That one step forward, two steps back feeling can really start to come into play if you get a few people dropping off at a bad time. Build in some armor for yourself, however you need to, and remember this is your campaign. You get to do it the way that works for you, and it’s okay to experiment.

Overall, writing is a sporadic and inconsistent financial existence. One month you’ve got a hefty advance check and then the next it’s just a handful of things like that 2.23 royalty from Smashwords. A Patreon or other crowdfunded campaign can be incredibly helpful in evening some of that out — but it’s not a magic fix that will do it effortlessly.

In the prohibition-era, supernatural noir novel, The Big Cinch, Sean Joye, a young veteran of 1922’s Irish Civil War, has made his way to his brother’s place in the United States and into the employ of an ambitious judge. The courthouse charwoman, Mrs. MacSweeney, decides he’s just the person to rid the place of some troublesome haunts that only she can see. She shows up at Sean’s brother’s pub to convince him to do his duty.

Mrs. Mac’s Ghost Problem

Mrs. Mac’s whiskey seemed to take effect and she tucked into her dinner like a starving person. “I’m a God-fearing, Christian woman. I’ve never been a drinker. I marched with the temperance ladies. I’ve no truck with the devil or his wiles. But the new courts building is cursed. I’ve felt it since we moved in. And it’s getting worse. The vile things are bolder every day.”

“But why do you think I can help you with ghosts?”

She considered her words.

I waited, anointing my fish with malt vinegar. We batter the cod here, as Grandmother Joye did. No soggy breadcrumbs. Makes all the difference.

“I say “˜get thee behind me, Satan.’ But I was cursed with a bit of the Sight, I suppose,” she said at last. “”˜Twas worse when I was a girl. But when you came outta the lobby this morning, I could see their mark on you. They’ve claimed you as one of their own.”

One way or the other, the fae are responsible for humans with the Sight””a knack for seeing the unseen and knowing the unknown””and we recognize each other. Perhaps outright, or maybe just an attraction to a kindred spirit. But in those days, I refused to look at many things I could plainly see.

“Do you want pie? I want pie.” I half stood and waved at Maud. “Is there apple?”

Mrs. Mac sopped up the grease on her plate with a bit of bread and popped it into her mouth. “No one believes me. I’ve about been sacked for warning folks.”

“What can I do?” I had a thought. “Shall I find you a priest?”

She about choked on her Bevo. “The Church of Rome has no answer here, boy.” She looked pleased though, as Maud brought warm pie with cheddar cheese. “No offense. I know it’s the way you was raised and you don’t know no better.”

“None taken.” I agreed to coffee at Maud’s suggestion and the child poured it for the two of us. “So, not saying you are right or wrong about me and what I might see or feel or know”””

“I want them to leave me alone. To go back to Hell and leave me be. Seeing as you know them, I thought you could tell the haunts that.”

I couldn’t deny I’d run smack dab into the Veil before. But I didn’t need this bother right now. I didn’t want it. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I just don’t see how I can help you.”

Her faded blue eyes turned bright with anger. She gripped her fork like a weapon. “”˜Tis a shame you’re marked for damnation.”

Grandmother Joye’s Beer-Battered Cod

Sometimes people use cornmeal or even breadcrumbs to prepare fried fish. But, according to Sean, that would be wrong.

• 2 pounds fresh or frozen Icelandic cod (If frozen, unthaw completely.)
• Salt and pepper to season fish
• 1 ½ cups flour, plus more for dredging the fish
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon dried dill
• 1 egg, beaten
• 12 oz Smithwick’s Ale (Or any mild ale or lager. Grandmother doesn’t like the effect of high heat on stouts or IPA.)
• Melted lard or shortening or vegetable oil
• Malt vinegar, lemon wedges, and tartar sauce as desired

Pat fish fillets dry and cut into individual portions. Lightly salt and pepper them, then dredge in the flour.

Thoroughly mix 1 ½ cups of flour, baking powder, salt, and dill together with a fork.

Stir in the beaten egg and enough beer to make a thin, pancake-like batter.

Submerge each piece of dredged fish in the batter briefly, then set aside for a few minutes while oil heats. (This is messy work. Take care the fish fillets don’t fall apart)

Using a heavy skillet, melt the cooking fat to a depth of ¼ to ½ inches. Heat at moderately high heat until shimmery. Test the oil temperature with a spoonful of the batter. If it cooks up to a golden-brown dollop in about 60 seconds, the oil is ready for the fish.

Avoid crowding the pieces in the pan. Cook on each side about 3-4 minutes (depending on thickness of fillet) until golden brown. Grandmother didn’t have an instant read thermometer, but the fish would have an internal temperature of 145 degrees F.

Serve hot with malt vinegar, lemon wedges, or tartar sauce. Fried potatoes (chips) are the traditional side dish.

BIO: Kathy lives and writes in St. Louis, Missouri, USA. Her hometown and its history inspire her fiction. When she’s not thinking about how haunted everything is, she enjoys hiking, crafts, and cooking for her family. Her novel, The Big Cinch, published by Montag Press, continues the supernatural noir Sean Joye investigations described in her novella, The Resurrectionist, and novelette, Water of Life.  All stories are available as paperbacks and e-books from Amazon.com and paperback from Barnes & Noble. Wolfhearted: A Novella is a secondary-world, YA fantasy. Follow her on Instagram at kathylbrownwrites, Facebook at kbKathylbrown, and Twitter at KL_Brown. Kathy’s blog, Kathy L. Brown Writes the Storytelling Blog, lives at kathylbrown.com.

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